To: Owner, Señoras Café Grasa
Recently I had the opportunity to take advantage of your “Monster Meaty Mondays” self-service buffet. While my experience in your dining establishment was, moreover, a pleasant one, my visit was marred somewhat by the unfortunate placement of the gravy in your service line. I was delighted to finally sample your famous Sous-vide Sauce au "Andouilles de Porc", which is inarguably world-class gravy that we are all proud to find in a local establishment. Unfortunately procuring this selfsame gravy in a satisfactory manner was difficult, given its placement two spots to the left of the mashed potatoes.
Indeed, not only were the mashed potatoes to the right of the gravy, but so were the assortment of hot and cold sliced meats which, I am sorry to say, did not fare well under the harsh countenance of the heat lamps. These desiccated, chewy, inedible, leathery slabs that I shall charitably call meat hereafter were in a state that could only be redeemed by a generous dollop of delicious gravy. Gravy that was, as I have stated above, several places to the left of the meat in a line that moved from the left to the right.
The gravitas of this situation is compounded by the mushy vegetables and stale bread. Can you guess what would have nudged either of these above the minimum threshold of palatability? Whilst one might argue that a patron might load his plate with gravy first, then add other foodstuffs on top as desired, that is not the proper order of food. Gravy goes over food, not under it. Well, except at those very fancy restaurants with enormous plates and tiny portions, where sculpted potatoes au gratin and a woefully small filet mignon sit atop a grossly inadequate smear of gravy reduction. At a buffet such as yours, however, the gravy goes on top.
One hopes that you will consider my words here, and make arrangements to move the gravy to the right of the foods that require gravy. I look forward to seeing this issue rectified before my next visit to your establishment.
PS: The Morue au Chocolat fritter was lovely, and stood up well on its own without gravy. I note with some irony that it was placed to the left of the gravy.
PPS: On further reflection, I do not think that it would actually have been harmed by the addition of gravy either.