the Sweet Smell of Burning Fur (plonq) wrote,
the Sweet Smell of Burning Fur

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Anniversary Gift

Apparently my 25-year anniversary gift got sent to the head office rather than coming directly to me. I know it arrived there because I was minding my own business when all at once IM windows started popping up from the main office asking, "What the heck is this thing with your name on it that's taking up 2/3 of the boss's desk?"

Even though it had me confirm my address 2-3 times on the site when I ordered this gift, they decided to sent it to my boss in another city. I assume this is so that she could present it to me in front of the group with the appropriate amount of ceremony. She would hand me the clock, and I would deliver an awkward, cynical speech about how much I have enjoyed working for the company and how special all of the people have been in my life.

Where has the time gone? I look back to my first day on the job, and I think that if I could have peered into the future and seen myself in a quarter of a century, standing awkwardly in front of a group of social misfits, trying to explain how I wasted the greater portion of my life to date, I would have gone on a killing spree. As it is, those years are already wasted so I shall let you all live for now. I want to thank the company for giving me this big, ungainly clock so that I can more clearly quantify the gurgling of my life as it flows down the shit-lined toilet drain of a wasted existence. Now I would kindly ask you all pry your slack, drooling faces away from the sandwich platters behind me and give me enough of your attention to form a line so that I can walk down the length of it farting in all of your faces.

I'm sure that at least a few people whom I have never seen before would take time out from the feeding trough to shake my hand and say, "Congratulations whatever your name is. Hey, is that roast beef slices over there?"

(Quick edit to add that I actually enjoy working for this place, and I like almost all of the people I have worked with or I would have quit years ago. Like any long-term relationship it has its moments of exasperation, but it has been an overall positive experience.)
Tags: clock, work
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