I watched some videos of various Black Friday stampedes this evening and I felt a bit more of my respect for humanity shrivel away with each clip. In comparison this compilation of failures was almost uplifting. It starts off slowly, with the usual assortment of idiots on skateboards and trampolines, but just past the halfway mark I found myself overwhelmed by morbid curiosity. A drunk falling off a stage is one thing, but this video had a fair share of "what the fuck were these people even trying to do?" moments in it.
"Oh Santa boned my sister on Christmas.
He said it was because she'd been so good.
She'd asked for weed or world peace
or even six a-layin' geese.
Well she got her goose and then she got his wood."
Giblet stood with a Christmas tree ornament clutched in one paw, ostensibly frozen in mid-hang while his brain tried to parse what his ears were picking up from the snow leopard's notebook. "What the hell are we listening to?" he finally demanded.