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and things went downhill from there
(a desperate plea for fish)
August 22nd, 2019 
Burning Fur Mood
I dimly remember the public service announcements they would make back in the 80s when Transformers was in first run. They truly awful things that treated kids like morons. A typical one would go something like this:

Kid: "I am running away from home to teach my parents a lesson."
Bumblebee: Rolls up and transforms. "Have you tried talking to your parents?"
Kid: "No. Should I?"
Bumblebee: "Yes. Sometimes problems can be resolved if you talk about them."
Kid: "Now I know!"
Bumblebee: "And knowing is half the battle."

I figured that I could surely do better - or worse, depending on how you view it.




FADE IN:

EXT. NONDESCRIPT URBAN STREET. DAY.

Three hoodie-wearing teens are in the scene, with two of them egging on a third who is brandishing a can of spray paint and spraying a section of wall that is just off-scene.

TEEN 1
Make it hairier!

TEEN 2
Add a big drip on the end!


Two chirps of a police car siren as a Mustang police car rolls up with light bar and headlights flashing. As it is rolling to a stop, it quickly transforms into a giant robot, finishing its forward motion with two quick steps.

ALL 3 TEENS
Barricade!


Barricade levels an accusing finger at the three teens.

BARRICADE
You kids should be in school, not painting poor representations of human anatomy on somebody's wall. Do you know how much money it costs to remove graffiti from brick?
What would your parents say if they knew?


Teen 1, Teen 2 and Barricade are in scene. Barricade's left leg and the third teen are out of scene to the right.

TEEN 1
Gosh, I guess we never thought about it. Oh wait, we never cared. My dad's in prison and my mom's a druggie whore.

TEEN 2
F**k the police!


There is the sound of paint spraying off-scene. Barricade looks down and his eyes flare red.

BARRICADE
Did you just tag my shin you little punk?


Camera zooms to Barricade's upper torso. His eyes are blazing red, and he levels his gun toward the teens who are off-camera. His voice blares.

BARRICADE
I will teach you to respect my authority!


Barricade begins firing rapid bursts of shots while the teens yell off-camera.

TEENS (shouting over each other)
It's gone berserk! Run away! I'm hit!


FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

EXT. BARRICADE IS STANDING WITH HIS WEAPON SMOKING AT HIS SIDE. TWO OF THE TEENS ARE CLEARLY CUT IN HALF, AND A THIRD HAS HAD HIS RIGHT LEG SEVERED BELOW THE KNEE. DAY.

TEEN 1
Ow! Ow! Why? It was just a little paint.

BARRICADE
Are you going to cry now? Is that what you humans call it? I don't hear your friends being little pansies like you.

TEEN 1
My friends are DEAD! You killed my friends!

BARRICADE
Humans die when you remove their torsos?


Barricade begins surreptitiously side-stepping out of the scene to the left while the remaining teen drags himself painfully toward the right side of the screen.

BARRICADE
Now I know!

TEEN 1
And knowing is half the battle.


As soon as Barricade is clear of the scene, there is the sound of transformation, followed by the squeal of tires as he quickly leaves the area.

FADE OUT.

TRANSFORMERS LOGO SPLASH ON BLACK SCREEN.

OPENING VOCAL BAR FROM TRANSFORMERS THEME.

FADE OUT.
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